Not too long ago I listened to a couple colleagues talk about retirement. They had their countdown calculated to the day, hour, and minute. I remember being amused. I was genuinely happy for them and appreciated their excitement over their impending retirement. I also remember thinking that wouldn’t be me. I couldn’t imagine retiring when my eligibility date rolled around. I felt too much passion for my work and had too many goals yet to accomplish. There was no way I’d be ready to close the door on the profession that brought me so much motivation and fulfillment.
Fast forward a few years. Now I wonder if I’ll even make it to my retirement date. Education, more specifically being an educator, isn’t as inspiring as it used to be. When I analyze it objectively and honestly, this feeling began to slowly seep into my thoughts before 2020. But, the pandemic, and particularly how education and educators were characterized during it, caused the floodgates of disillusionment to open. The seep has turned into a torrent.
The demands of the last two years have been nearly unmanageable. The expectations were hard to meet during the initial phases of the COVID pandemic when school buildings closed. We tried (and mostly succeeded) in shifting our teaching practice to a completely new and different model. However, we knew online learning was less than ideal for most students.
We took solace in the fact it was only temporary. We also believed the inequities that were exposed by remote learning would prompt permanent changes in our education system; less focus on standardized testing and more focus on providing resources to the students who need it most. That was a foolishly naïve belief.
Being an educator has become even more needlessly difficult. Not only have decision makers resumed their hyper-focus on standardized testing, we are battling a constant barrage of attacks from pro-privatizers who see the aftermath of the pandemic as a perfect opportunity to degrade public education. Legislation micromanaging lesson planning, banning certain history discussions, demoralizing LGBTQ+ students, and threatening school takeovers are enough to make the strongest of teachers feel defeated.
It feels like too much and causes me to wonder if it’s worth all that I invest in it.
I find myself contemplating other careers, imagining what possibilities may be out there. I desperately try to conjure job options that allow me to use my passion, experience, and knowledge sans the micromanaging, politicization, and conspiracy theories.
And I’m not alone. Teachers across the United States are having the same thoughts. This reality creates a dichotomy of emotions. While I’m comforted knowing I am not isolated in my discouragement, I am terrified this is happening. Nothing good can come from the demoralization of educators. Our children, our communities, and our public welfare will suffer.
I know this even as I contemplate establishing a profile on a job networking site. I never considered it before. It seemed needless because I loved what I was doing. Now I’m evaluating people’s LinkedIn profiles, seeking to determine what I should include on mine. If my skills aren’t valued as a public school educator, I know they will be somewhere else. Ironically, teachers are finding their experience might be more desirable outside of the classroom than in.
Despite all the doubt and disappointment, I signed my contract for next year. I did it knowing the tipping point may be near. However, I also know I’m not quite ready to say goodbye. I believe so strongly in the necessity of a strong public education system. I’m not willing to stop fighting for it. I’m not ready to be pressured out by those who wish to see public schools become a thing of the past.
I still believe I can make a difference. As long as I still have that belief I’ll keep hanging on. I just hope enough teachers hang on with me.
Photo by Javon Swaby from Pexels
Nicole Wolff
I'm a California native. However, I've spent my entire career teaching in Arizona public schools, as well as instructing at the university level. My passion for teacher advocacy and support led me to become an Instructional Coach in 2013. I am currently a coach at a K-8 school in Goodyear and love the students and teachers I get to work with every day. I have spent my career actively involved in instructional improvement, chairing many committees including Response to Intervention, Academic Accountability, and Professional Development Committees. I was named Dysart Hero (teacher of the year) in 2012. I was honored to serve as a 2017-18 Arizona Hope Street Teacher Fellow. I earned a Bachelor’s in Elementary Education and a Master’s in Education/ESL from Ottawa University. I am a National Board Certified Teacher. I’m also endorsed as an Early Childhood Specialist, Reading Specialist, and Gifted Specialist. In my free time, I enjoy reading, camping, and spending time with my family.