Hats and Gum: A Reminder to Focus on Relationships

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I will never forget the day that a teacher told me her classroom management was “I don’t smile until after Winter Break.” At first I laughed because I thought she was joking. Then I sadly realized that she was completely serious and other teachers have continued to say this throughout my teaching career. In an elementary school setting, or any school setting for that matter, how do you interact with students without smiling? I find it sad that teachers would even consider this a possible strategy. A classroom that is focused on adhering to rules and nothing else isn’t meeting the needs of today’s students. As a teacher I love showing my love for learning and for school by smiling and laughing with my students throughout the day. 

Relationships matter. A student I knew would constantly go to my classroom no matter what class period it was when she had a problem. When I asked her why she didn’t talk to the teacher of her current class period, she said something like, I knew you would solve it fairly and kindly and I trust you. Trust and respect are not easily earned. 

I know many teachers who do not allow hats, gum, and other little things in their classroom, despite the district allowing them. They say it is because they want the students to respect them and their rules. A student’s respect is not usually freely given. It is certainly not earned by having twenty different rules for each class period as they walk in that first day of school. In my 6th grade classroom, we discuss that we are safe, kind, and respectful. Those are my expectations. I model them, I live them, and the students have no problem adhering to them. We also discuss the why of each and students contribute to our class expectations that first week. 

In my classroom, modeling respect and trust is so important. I treat every student, adult, or creature that comes into my classroom with respect. Even though they are middle schoolers, my students have picked up my mannerisms, even saying, “have a great day Mrs. B.,” as they walk out the door, just like I have said to them everyday since the first day of school. They know I treat them fairly and never hold a grudge for having a bad day. My students have seen me interact with other teachers the same way I interact with them. They have heard how I show respect on the phone. Each day when my students arrive, I have a smile on my face and I greet each student as they come through the door. I know what sports they play, what hobbies they love, and about their families. I have taken the time to form those relationships since the very first day of school. As my students come into our 6th grade science classroom, they know they are in a safe place with people who care about them. In a safe classroom, learning can happen. Rigor can be added. Risk-taking can happen with smiles involved. 

I allow my students to chew gum if it helps them to focus and it isn’t a toy. I allow my students to wear a hat, as long as I can see their eyes looking at the speaker and they aren’t just hiding behind it. I myself chew gum on the days I need to focus a little bit more. Our school district has decided to allow hats, though we still have teachers who do not allow them in their own classroom. I wear hats from time to time, especially on spirit days and if I have a hat to match the unit I’m teaching. Hats, gum, smiles, and other little things historically deemed as incorrect by some in a classroom setting, can be reexamined. I’ve yet to have a student not learn the content because of a hat and I haven’t found any gum stuck to anything in my classroom.  

When we focus on creating rules for trivial, small things and we are constantly enforcing rules rather than seeing what truly matters, students soon don’t want to be in our class. Let’s say a student who has had a horrible morning at home, comes into a classroom with his hat on because he is thinking of everything that happened that morning. The teacher immediately instead of saying good morning says “take off the hat.” An opportunity to make that child feel welcome and safe is gone. 

Is classroom management just compliance? Is compliance the same as actual respect? In my opinion, it is not. I would rather create a classroom family full of mutual respect, learning, and growing. 

Our world has completely changed and teaching must change with it. Students are so diverse and dealing with so many things in their young lives. Is it more important to form a relationship, a bond of trust with a student, or be so focused that the student has a forbidden piece of gum in your classroom? We need to take a step back and reconsider our priorities and classroom rules. What things in your classroom don’t truly serve you or your students? How do you prioritize relationships? 

Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash

Lisa Barnard

Lisa Barnard is a 6th-grade science teacher in the city of Flagstaff. She has experience in both elementary and middle school settings. This will be her 11th year of teaching and she loves inspiring a joy of learning in her students. She also mentors university students who are interested in becoming teachers. After earning her bachelor's degree in Elementary Education from Northern Arizona University, she went on to also get her masters in Elementary Education with a Reading Specialist Endorsement. In her free time, she enjoys landscape photography, reading, collecting fossils, writing, and hiking around Arizona with her husband Nick and their two dogs.